no tomorrow

There are a lot of orgasmic things in life, most beautiful of them for me is music. It's not when you're walking towards your lecture, wearing your earphones - not sure if you're listening to music or avoiding people - some random thoughts clouding your head. It can never in that moment, because you're too engrossed in this gameplay of meeting, colliding, escaping. It happens when you're not conscious about your awkward leg position, your dry as straw hair, or the fact that you're clueless about your future. But like most of the things in life, it comes with an expiry period. Too bad if you missed the moment trying to preserve it - writing about it, blogging, texting, shouting it aloud -  it's okay 'cause you have had too many such fleeting moments of passing joy.

I missed my moment of joy when I was reading a mail. It's like a continuous reminder of how self-centered I am. How this person, let's call him X, mails me everyday telling me about his daily routine, the tiniest details that made his day special and wishes me good luck for future, leaving a note with every mail to talk to him whenever I feel like. Story of an unrequited love - he, the chivalrous hero; me, the cold-heartless narcissist. I can pretend to be in love, but it's too much effort. And I feel I am getting old now, I get tired with all the pretension, already in this crowded city, there's hardly a place to breathe. X lives with the hope that in future, we both will be together, when finally I'd get tired with the world and open my eyes for the first time - as dramatic as it sounds - and realize what a fool I've been all my life. That's not going to happen. Decisions - good or bad that I make, are mine to worry about. And we both can do with less drama in our life. This will continue for few more days and then you're going to hate me eventually. If not hate, then be indifferent. All I am saying is, don't make me wait for months for that to happen. Cut to the chase and we both will do fine. Will Breathe.